The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…
by regertz
Summary: Can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl? Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or accept all hope of a professional career is gone and just peddle her drugs?
1. Chapter 1

"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Cue canned music…

Slightly shaky black and white video opens on scene of Sheldon and Amy in white lab coats standing in Sheldon and Leonard's living room…

"Greetings, young scientists-to-be and their assorted dull-witted sibling followers and hangers-on and associated bullies-in-training…And welcome once again to the Adventures…Adventures…Adventures… of Professor Proton…Junior…" Sheldon notes, pointing to whiteboard behind him on which is written… "The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr."

"I hope you're ready to share in this week's Odyssey…odyssey…odyssey… with me…This one a rather special adventure in multiple parts…"

"Oh…A miniseries adventure, at last!" Dr. Amy in lab coat clapped hands. "I know I've been waiting for this one all year, Prof P, Junior!"

"Indeed…And best of all…" Sheldon began…

"With chills, thrills…And…Romance…All wrapped up as a present to our fans in our Proton Christmas Special." Amy beamed.

"Yes…" Sheldon, frowning…At the notion of Romance, Christmas "specials", and Dr. Amy in lab coat and Santa hat, with bells in hand.

"Are you jingling…?" he glared.

"Yes, Professor P. And what's more, I'll shortly be giving the scientific explanation of how we put the jingle in jingle bells." Amy beamed, jingling again.

"The things one must do to repay one's significant other for nice Christmas cookies made with devoted love and lots of lard based on Meemaw's recipe." Sheldon sighed.

"Exactly her recipe…" Amy corrected.

"It's still blackmail…" he frowned.

"Sheldon! You promised me romance…" Amy hissed, giving pasted smile to camera. "And sex sells! Look at Penny's career…It's the only thing that kept her in acting so long!"

"Hey…Cut…" Penny, staring…

"Yes, indeed…And sold badly too…Least until she combined drugs with sex…"

"Double…Heeeyy!" Penny cried.

"Sheldon! Apologize." Amy insisted.

"Uh…Amy…" Penny, carefully. "You insulted me first, actually…"

"Oh, grow up, bestie…You've been in the business awhile before realizing you had no future in front of the camera." Amy frowned as Sheldon gave arch smile.)

…

Some time later…

(Amy having apologized mightily to a sobbing Penny in her bathroom…The prospect of getting to do a romantic scene or two in a Christmas special with Sheldon in her persona as "Dr. Amy" having overwhelmed her to the point of irrationally striking out at anything or –one potentially interfering.)

"As I was just…" Sheldon, frowning a bit…

Just as in…Some time ago…

"…Saying….This episode is not only devoted to the amazing adventures Physics offers in that Tronspace that is the mind…But includes physical adventure as well…"

And romance…Amy mouthed…

"And more important than the rest…Is devoted to devastatingly humiliating that fraud of science, namely the so-called 'inventor', Tom Swift, Jr. who recently dared insult the memory of our dear Professor Proton, my spirit father…And despite our recent devastatingly humiliating reply to his insulting video farce, yet continues his misadventures on You Tube. So…" Sheldon places large cue card, all in cap s, in expanding lines, Star Wars style, on the whiteboard's frame. "For those who may have missed our last episode…"

"LAST TIME AS YOU RECALL, WE LEFT PROFESSOR PROTON, JR. AND HIS SIDEKICK…"

("Cut! Sheldon? Really?!" Amy fumed. "Sidekick? I'm your sidekick?"

"I can't say premarital fornication partner on a show intended for children under 15…" Sheldon noted.

Uh…Amy gasped… "Sorry, Cameragirl Penny…I need a mo…"

Hmmn…Penny stared…

This actually could boost the ratings…She noted to somewhat nonplussed Screenwriter Leonard.

"Lets keep it going, people." She called, moving to resume filming.)

"…LAST TIME, AS YOU RECALL, WE LEFT PROFESSOR PROTON, JR. AND HIS FRIEND WITH BENEFITS…"

Amy in lab coat, coming over to him, beaming and waving in Santa hat…

("What?!...Cut!" Penny cried.)

Scene one, take Three…

Grim looking Sheldon in lab coat…

"For those who may have missed our last episode, wonderfully sending up that perpetually teenaged fraud, Tom Swift, Jr…." Places large cue card, all in caps, in expanding lines, Star Wars style, on whiteboard frame.

"LAST TIME, AS YOU RECALL, WE LEFT PROFESSOR PROTON, JR. AND HIS LADYFRIEND, DR. AMY…"

Amy, frowing…Still a bit miffed at Cameragirl Penny…

(Come on, these are science-oriented kids, what's the big deal? And sex sells…

Penny sighing from behind the camera…

God, to think this may be all I'm ever remembered for artistically, maybe besides helping my kids with school arts projects and plays.

Well…All I can say is, with Leonard and the boys to back us up, they're gonna be kick ass arts projects and incredibly special effecty plays, smiling to herself.)

"…IN THE LAB…"

"The lab…" Amy gave knowing look to the camera… "And you can guess what was going on in that lab…"

("Amy?" Penny stared.

"For crying out loud…"

"I'd never do that…" Amy, arch look. "On…Camera…" rather wicked grin.

Hmmn…You know it really would boost the ratings…Penny noted to Leonard, who was still trying to absorb Amy's "guess what was going on…".

"Cut…" a frowning Screenwriter Howard called from his seat.

Didn't we agree he would be "Assistant Screenwriter Howard"…? Leonard thought, eyeing the credits card.

"People I agreed to help on this little opus and do a Christmas truce between Swift and Proton…"

"Proton and Swift…" Amy insisted, winning beam from Sheldon…

I'm no fool when Romance is potentially in the air…Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck as those rather cretinous but admittedly representatively 1930's-40's working class stooge people would say.

"Fine…" Howard put up a hand. "But we agreed this would be a joint adventure for Proton and Swift against a common foe."

"With Proton easily besting said foe while Swift tinkers around with toys." Sheldon noted.

"I never agreed to that…" Howard glared. "This is either a partnership or Tom Swift, Jr. walks to do his own Christmas special where he saves Christmas and reveals he's part Jewish while defeating the grinchy Professor Proton, Jr…I call it 'Swift and Hannukah save Christmas…From Professor Proton, Jr.'"

"I told you that title doesn't work…" Assistant Screenwriter Bernadette hissed. "And why am I listed as 'assistant screenwriter' when you're on as 'screenwriter'?" "But see, lambkins, you get the bigger title…It's a good thing, dearest.")

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Yet more time later…

New cue card on the whiteboard…Sheldon grimly setting it to rights, Amy offering steadying…

Ohh…As steadying hands touched briefly…

(To her quietly awed joy, Sheldon blinking at her…Keeping hand on hers a startlingly long two seconds.)

"LAST TIME AS YOU RECALL, WE LEFT PROFESSOR PROTON, JR., AND HIS LADYFRIEND, DR. AMY, IN THE LAB…"

"The lab…" Amy gave knowing look to the camera… "And you can guess what was going on in that lab…"

"Science…" Both she and Sheldon beaming at the camera…

"And maybe just a kiss or two under the mistletoe…" Amy noted, holding up mistletoe. "It being a week before Christmas."

"Yes…" Sheldon frowned. "Well, now we've put the sordid behind us…It was a cool winter day in southern California…When that knock on the lab door came that would change the lives of Professor Proton, Jr., and Dr. Amy…Forever."

"Whoa…" Amy gasped. "Did you just time travel and see our whole Christmas adventure start to finish, Professor P., Jr.?"

"Indeed I did, Dr. Amy…And while the laws of time travelers forever prevent me from stating what will happen in that alternate timeline now that we're in a different potential one by my coming back, I can say it will be full of..." beam to the camera.

"Adventure?" Dr. Amy eyed the Professor. Who shrugged… "Naturally, but…" "Romance…?" she beamed.

"I suppose it must be to bring in the great unwashed masses…But…" significant pause…Hard stare to camera.

"Oh…" Dr. Amy waving arms. "I know!"

"Yes, I think you do, Dr. Amy…Despite your frivolous addiction to sentiment…"

"Science!" both beamed at the camera. As the sound of a knock at the…

("Raj!" Penny called… "Knock harder! Harder!)

…a knock at the lab door began.

And a stern, but dashingly handsome figure in uniform entered.

"Professor Proton, Jr.?" the military figure addressed Sheldon.

"And his ladyfriend, Dr. Amy." Dr. Amy noted, a bit miffed.

"Yes. I am General Rajesh Smith, head of the Pentagon's Space Threats Office…"

"We have a Space Threats Office?" Dr. Amy stared.

"Naturally…" General Smith nodded sagely…His manly bearing and handsome features devastating…

("It was either write that in or he wouldn't do it." Leonard noted to Bernadette. "And he is the only one who fit the uniform.")

"…And once again the Nation has need of…Profession Proton, Jr." General Smith noted.

("Is he the villain…I mean Smiths are usually the villains in sci-fi, right?" Bernadette hissed to Leonard.

Uh… "Well, could be…Or I may have taken a bold approach and had another villain, with the name just to fool the audience." Leonard noted.

Dang…Thought it would be such a neat idea, a subtle tribute to Dr. Smith, he sighed.

"All right, she got it right away…You can have Munson Wickcliff as villain." He frowned to a pleased Howard.

"That's Wyckcliff..." Howard noted. "And I have just the right person(s) in mind." grin...

"Right..." Leonard sighed.

Is he in for a surprise, Howard grinned to Bernadette...

"Still think you'd be the natural for the part...And me..." she groused.

"Right, the Jewish guy as villain..." Howard eyed her.

"Ok...Ok..." she nodded. "But don't make Bud's girlfriend a total simp..."

Penny frowning…

Thought the Smith villain thing was a great idea…Though a beautiful female villain general would really pack em in, those nerds watching this...

If any...Ever...Sigh...

On the other hand, Leonard's idea of Stuart as Tom Swift to irk Howard was even more brilliant…Chance of a real generation of sexual tension on the set here…She eyed Sheldon's frown at Stuart's offstage eyeing of Amy.

You lil' minx, you, Dr. A…She eyed Amy.)

"As always I stand ready to take charge of this response to a threat to the Nation…" Professor Proton, Jr., gallantly.

"There is one little thing…" the devastatingly handsome General Smith, a bit cautiously. "I'm afraid we actually already have a guy in charge of the response. Who's been running the project since it began. We were hoping you and Dr. Amy would act more as, sort of…Consultants…"

Professor Proton, Jr. blinking…

"Consultants?" Dr. Amy, eyeing her out-of-lab honey, Professor Proton, Jr.

("That's not in the script." Leonard stared at script. "I put it in…" Penny grinned. "A little boost for my bestie." She beamed at the pleased Amy.)

"Consultants to whom?" she continued…

As if we didn't know, when it came to space threat matters…The fix being in…She hissed to Professor Proton, Jr. who glared.

"I believe you know our project head, Tom Swift, Jr." the General noted, as Tom Swift, Jr., perpetually 18 year old, blonde-haired, blue-eyed engineering genius entered, (to fervent clapping by Howard and Bernadette…)

"Proton." Nod…Glare. "Dr. Amy…" warm smile to her shy nod.

"Screwed up with your 'space friends', Swift?" Proton, Jr. eyed him, coolly macho. As the General gave him a surprised glance, Swift a narrow one.

Dr. Amy, casual look to match her honey's machismo. Though naturally delighted inwardly to see him score manly but scientific points on his virile, yet inferior in beauty and intellect, foe.

(Sheldon, a bit stunned, involuntarily mouthing "I love you" on lips…As Penny gave an arch…Told you…Always gets them…Look to a joyous…Oh, I just done opened my biggest Xmas present…Amy.)

"You know about Mr. Swift's contacts with aliens?" the General eyed Proton.

"Lord, everyone in Science does since that blabbermouth Hawking started putting up nervous tweets all over the place… 'Don't let Swift invite his alien friends to Earth' 'We're all gonna die if Swift's aliens come to Earth'… 'Swift sold us out to aliens!' You should never have spoken to him first, he freaks when it comes to aliens." Frown.

"Gotta agree with you on that…" Swift noted.


	2. Chapter 2

"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part II…

Cue canned music…

Dramatically panoramic color video shots of huge, sprawling lab complex…

"Welcome." The announcer, famed actor Hank Thomas. ("Do you want to get sued?" Howard noted, pausing in his Tom Hanks imitation to eye a frowning…My honey's talents should be acknowledged…Bernadette.) "To the future…" quietly awe-inspiring tone. "Welcome…To Swift Enterprises."

Music swelling…Cuts to various Swift projects around the world as well as a number of revolutionary Swift inventions…

"Whether it's blasting to the Earth's core with his atomic earth blaster…" Thomas' voice intoned as shot of Swift team cheering a gusher of molten iron at the South Pole… "Or probing the mysteries of the ocean floor in his jetmarine…" shot of jet-propelled sub racing along sea floor… "Or building a permanent habitation in high Earth orbit to provide endless solar power while bringing criminal fossil fuel executives bent on his destruction to Justice…" shot of Swift giant Outpost in Space under construction at 22,800 miles while insert shows the evil Kloch brothers being hauled off to jail… "Or descending into caves of nuclear fire in Africa"…Shot of Swift craft descending into radioactive pit…. "You know it's Swift Enterprises that will lead the way…The way into the Future of Humanity."

"Lovely…" Proton, Jr. frowned, eyeing video projection as he, Dr. Amy, the eternally youthful Swift, the devastatingly yet ruggedly handsome General Smith, and assorted scientific experts sat in a conference room in a secret base in an undisclosable location… "But what's a crassly cheap promo for you got to do with space aliens, Swift?"

"We felt it was important to establish that Mr. Swift was considered the man to run this project by dint of his expertise and experience and all-around genius." General Smith noted. "Also the aliens contacted him and his dad first, probably because he's had the private lock on deep space flight the past ten years."

"Oh, anyone could get up there if they've nothing to do constructively with their careers in real science…" Proton, Jr. noted, frowning.

"Well, Professor…Mr. Swift did develop the repelatron anti-gravity drive system, a whole new method of space travel." The General pointed out.

"Eh…Hawking's got a warp drive ship on the books that he could fly in his wheelchair that could leave Swift's Challenger in the dust…If he weren't so scared of aliens and had a few hundred billion to build it." Proton, Jr. pointed out.

"Theory only, Proton…Lets see the practical application, then we can lay bets on speed…" Swift called.

"The fact remains, gentlepeople…" the General insisted… "Swift has the ships and space base…and the aliens contacted him, first."

"Yes, yes…Aliens. " Proton, Jr. frowned. "What aliens exactly? Where are they from…? And if you tell me, Mars…Or Venus…I will laugh you out of this room."

"Actually they were from Mars…Originally…As best we can understand them. But they built a giant ship to see the Galaxy and headed off to do so eons ago, everyone of them before the full ecologic disasters hit Mars."

"And left no trace behind for us to find…?" another scientist…The brilliant astrophysicist and inventor, Munson Wyckcliff now rose.

"Indeed…" Proton, Jr. seconded.

Though perhaps a bit miffed at not "firsting", as usual.

"Our friends hadn't developed faster-than-light travel, doctor…" Swift noted. "And they had to leave in a hurry, things went south rather quickly from what they've told us, hoping to help us avoid their fate."

"And they generously decided not to colonize a perfectly suitable Earth?" Wyckcliff, clearly a bit of sneer under the composed face.

"This is so ridiculous…" Proton, Jr. hissed to Dr. Amy, seated beside him. "As long as I'm here who needs the small fry of Science?" He glanced about the room.

"Now, now…Dr. P…"Dr. Amy patted his hand. "Every now and then one or two have a good idea."

"They seem to be a moral people." Swift, calmly. "They didn't wish to harm Earth's ecosystem and in fact they found Earth's atmosphere difficult to deal with. So they built their own giant artificial moon and took it into interstellar space while keeping an eye on their cousins on Earth, namely us."

"And now these 'moral people' threaten our existence?" Wyckcliff, clear sneer now on face.

"Not by choice…" Swift sighed. "General, if I may?" he rose.

"Well, if it's not Proton, Junior. Heya, youtube princess…Here to fetch and carry for Swift?" Wyckcliff had moved to closer seat, no attempt to hide her sneer.

("Might I ask why we have Lesley Winkle playing an astrophysicist…When a real one is at hand" Raj frowns.

"You're busy playing that devastatingly handsome general…And we thought it would be neat to have a female mad scientist villain." Penny noted, high-mindedly.

"And it's kinda neat for the tension, given the relationship between Lesley and Sheldon…" Leonard noted.

"And you can't act a major role worth diddly-squat, we tried for the past two days, get over it, Raj." Bernadette, firmly.)

"Hello, Munson…" Proton, Jr. nodded, "How did you persuade the military to consider you a scientist, let alone 'cutting edge'?"

"Guess I didn't post kiddie videos on You Tube…" Wyckcliffe grinned. "Hiya four-eyes…" to Dr. Amy. "Still schlepping for the mad doctor of Saturday morning cartoons here?"

("Sheldon…" Amy began…

Ooops…

"Cut…" Penny sighed. Lesley, grinning.

"Struck a nerve there, eh?"

"Can we try to be a little professional, people?" Stuart sighed…In his Tom Swift, Jr. getup of blonde wig, striped T-shirt, jeans.

"Sure, little professional…Nice lifts by the way, Tom…" Lesley chuckled.

"That's her way of beginning the mating ritual, Stuart." Sheldon called. "You can look forward to coitus by evening…"

"Hafta agree there…" Howard grinned to Bernadette who eyed him coldly. "And you know this by what experience?"

"Blow it, freak jr." Lesley frowned…But cast a winking eye on the rather nonplussed Stuart.)

"Professor Proton, Jr." Dr. Amy began… "Is a symbol for young and old alike of the magic of science."

"So is Flipper…" Wyckcliff grinned.

"You wanna eat linoleum?!…Keep ranking on my so!" Amy rose, furious.

All looking at her…

("You're keeping that in?" Raj stared at Penny.

"You kidding? It's terrific...Drama and tension among our protagonists…" Penny nodded.

"And nothing draws em in like a catfight…" she hissed to Leonard.

Uh…Raj eyed Leonard… "Isn't this supposed to be a gathering of top scientists by the government to discuss a global crisis from space?" "You weren't at the one Sheldon and I attended back in…Well, I can't mention the date, top secret…Were you?" Leonard eyed him. "This bad?" Raj stared. "I remember spitballs, drawings of Sheldon on the chalkboard, and someone, probably Kripke, hitting on the lieutenant general leading the conference who threatened to have him shot under martial law.")

"Ladies and gentlemen? If we could return to the purpose of this meeting, the safety of the world?" Swift resumed, after a tense pause between the Wyckcliff whose potential Nobel-winning paper's rejection on the basis of reviewer Proton, Jr.'s labeling of it as "silly and the work of a uninspired 3 year old" had crippled her career and left her permanently embittered at the sight of Proton's and Swift's ever-increasing mutual fames.

("Cut…" Lesley frowned. "Seriously? I'm upset because the galoot trashed a sure-to-Nobel-me paper in astrophysics? When he can barely keep it up in Physics? By the way is it dark matter now or playdoh you're working on now that you've conceded that I'm right and string theory is crapola?"

"Now, come on people…This is for Science stuff, right?" Penny called.

"This?" Lesley stared, rolling eyes. "Only reason I'm here is because Tom Swift got me into Science, that Nordic 18 year old cutie." Another look at Stuart, wink… "I mean…I'd lose it to Tommy any ole time…" grin.

"Oh, did we make a brilliant choice in having our villain Lesley…" Penny beamed to Leonard.

"Why are you smiling, Sheldon?" Amy whispered as Howard went to plead with Lesley for peace… If you really want a chance to honor Tom…

"Oh, just remembering Leonard promised to see the villain meet her doom at my hands in graphic detail…" he beamed. "Plus she has the name 'Munson'…That's a stupid name. I can make anonymous comments on our You Tube post about that stupid name…"

"You didn't tell him Wyckcliff survived in the original story, did you?" Penny eyed Leonard, both listening.)


	3. Chapter 3

"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part III…

"If I may continue…" Swift eyed his audience, standing by a whiteboard on which a series of mathematical symbols had been drawn.

"If the kiddie-show host here will allow it, I'm all for it…" Wyckcliff grinned.

("Leonard…" Amy, darkly… "You wrote that."

He blinked. "Uh…I was only injecting some humor into the relationship…Based on how Lesley and Sheldon interact in real life."

"Oh, he's got me down to a T…This is exactly what I'd say." Lesley grinned.

"What?" Amy eyed Sheldon…

"Well…It's just…Technically speaking, Lesley's right. It is what she'd say." He shrugged.

"Sheldon? I'm defending you."

"Yes…And I appreciate it…" he leaned in… "But we get to see her horribly killed if we just see this production through to its, for her, gruesome ending."

"Really?" Amy pondered. "Just how gruesome?" they both eyed Lesley as she talked to Leonard, Penny frowning at her.

Lady, one more hint that I'm not up to the role of Penny Hofstadter and I'm gonna write myself in as the real Wyckcliff who brutally kills her impersonating junior stand-in for bad acting.)

"It's been over a decade since Dad and I first found and translated the symbols left behind by the exo-Martians on their last voyages to Earth…" Swift noted. "Five years since we made contact by radio telescope. While our friends have been travelling the Galaxy for nearly five hundred thousand years since they left Mars orbit."

"And if they're so advanced why do they wanna talk to chimps like us?" Wyckcliff eyed Swift.

"Actually, they've not evolved much in the last five million years…We've caught up a bit. Besides, intelligent life is apparently rare in the Galaxy and after all…" Swift smiled. "We're family…"

"Our Martian cousins…" Wyckcliff sneered.

"Not all that unexpected that intelligent life should seek to share its ideas, knowledge, and dreams." Proton, Jr. cut in firmly… "It's why we and these creatures are intelligent."

"Some of us, anyway."

"Yeah?! Well…Your name is Munson and that's a stupid name!"

"Right, Prof P…Junior…" Wyckcliff, benevolently eager beam.

"Ladies and gentlemen…" the General raised a hand… "The fate of Humanity may be at stake here. And I'm quite willing to throw all or any of you in a brig under martial law and leave you there, forgeting you were ever here if you don't settle down and pay attention! Mr. Swift?" he nodded to Swift as quiet fell.

"Thanks, General." Swift nodded. "People, the Martians…Or Exo-Martians as we presume them to be, have recently contacted us to the effect that they are sending us a great gift, from their explorations and their own collection of the life from the Mars they left."

"What?..." Dr. Amy blinked…All the room silent. Staring…

"Yes. They're sending us samples, folks…Of life from around this galaxy as well as from ancient Mars before the ecological cataclysm." Swift beamed. Then turned somber… "And despite what we believe to be their most benevolent intentions and our efforts, someone has turned this gift into a potential for disaster."

…

Fearing Island…Spaceport of the Swift Enterprises Corporation…The greatest private launch facility on Earth.

"There's my first ship…" Swift pointed to a photo as he paused on the long walkway he and the group with him were following. "The Star Spear…"

"Fancy rocket ship…Barely made orbit…" Proton, Jr. noted to Dr. Amy…

"And The Titan, the world's first manned atomic drive spaceship." Swift proudly noted, indicating out a large window a huge rocket on a launch pad, several times the Star Spear in size. "We still use it for reaching our Outpost at 22,300 miles in geosynchronous orbit."

"Atom-driven rockets…So passé"…Proton, Jr. noted.

"And my latest, the Cosmic Sailor…A solar driven ship, but more than just a solar sail…" Swift beamed at the photo on the wall… "She actually converts solar radiation to a focused thrust."

"A fancy solar sail…Big deal…" Proton, Jr. rolled eyed. Perturbed at the thought of what was to come.

After all, this one was rather impressive.

"And…" Swift halted. "The ship that took me to the Moon… My finest girl…The Challenger…" he paused at a huge window overlooking what seemed to be a giant gyroscope standing nearly five hundred feet high. "Powered by repelatron drive."

"Repelatron drive…" Proton, Jr. sneered to Dr. Amy…

"Gotta go with you on this one, Neutron…" Wyckcliff smiled.

"That's Proton and you know it…Proton, Jr., that is…" Proton, Jr. noted.

"Neutron fits you better…No charge to that particle…Eh, Amy…?" Wyckcliffe, wickedly mocking grin. "But getting back to our rare moment of singularity…" She turned to face Swift as Dr. Amy glared. "Swift, I know you're supposed to have reached the Moon in this kid's toy. But there's no official confirmation of that and I find it hard to believe you ever got this thing off the ground."

"Mr. Swift's missions to the Moon have been kept secret for national security purposes…" the General eyed Wyckcliffe. "He's patriotically kept his light under a bushel, accepting our request after his first flight, to keep the matter a national security top secret. But I can assure you…He has been there and in this remarkable vessel."

"And the theoretical basis for the repelatron? Published nowhere?" Wyckcliff eyed the general.

"Likewise…National Security and Mr. Swift's patriotism." The general, quietly.

"Sounds like quite the flag-waving Mother America's boy, doesn't he?" Proton, Jr. frowned aside to Dr. Amy.

"So, assuming this thing can get off the ground, when do we leave?" Wyckcliff, shrugging at Proton.

"We don't…Not on the Challenger…" Swift, quietly.

Lights in the corridor cut out… The floor on which the group of twenty-four stood suddenly dropped with increasing speed.

"Please…Do not panic…" the general called for calm. "This is simply a security procedure."

Not the Challenger? Proton, Jr. thought, concealing a sigh.

Rats…Always wanted to catch a ride on Challenger…

Never had Swift in the sort of compromised position where he'd have to let me go…And couldn't refuse later.

"You know I can explain the physics of this fancy elevator ride a lot better than he can…" Proton, Jr. eyed Dr. Amy who stared back.

Hmmn…

The extended revelation of Swift marvels appears to have triggered a latent…Or, who the hell am I kiddin'…Never heretofore seen jealous bone in the body of one Proton, Jr., she thought, rather pleased.

"Here we are folks…" Swift noted as the floor came to a screeching halt. "Where we needed to be…My submarine launch pens."

"Submarine?" Dr. Amy blinked. "But I thought we were going to meet a space cargo…"

Traveling out among the stars in the Challenger, Proton, Jr and I and Mr. Swift.

Rats…

"We sincerely hope anyone listening in to our talks and messages up to just now believes that, too, Doctor." The General noted. "But we know the person we're most concerned with, doesn't." sigh.

"Oh?" Proton, Jr. eyed him. "And how do we know that?"

"Because it's their interference that's prevented us from attempting a retrieval in space where the chances of damage to Earth are limited. Someone stole the codes and the transmission wavelength and contracted our friends, pretending to be me and has been jamming the only successful wavelength for receiving or transmitting." Swift cut in. "Thanks to that someone, Earth is in severe danger."


	4. Chapter 4

"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part IV…

The submarine pens of Fearing Island...

"Here she is…" Swift noted proudly as the group, consisting of Swift and his closest pal Bud Barclay, several security guards, General Smith, Professor Proton, Jr., Dr. Amy, Dr. Wyckcliffe, and the latest, somewhat disconcerting to the others, addition, the annoyingly (to Dr. Amy) tall, brilliant, and lovely Russian exobiologist, Dr. Penova Hofstadter…paused with him to view the large, rather odd submersible before them. More a flying saucer than a submarine, Proton noted to Dr. Amy with slight sneer. Swift's screwed it this time.

("Really…I could have accepted Bernadette as a rival from Russia. She has a doctorate and well, it's Russia. They are famous for large men and tiny women." Sheldon noted to Leonard who sighed. Are they? Raj hissed to Howard who shrugged… "Mom hid my passport when I was going on that swinging engineers' party trip to Moscow. She thought the Russians would put me in a labor camp." "Sheldon." Leonard sighed. "Penny needs to do something in front of the camera and we need a little more dramatic tension…She makes for an obvious bad guy." "Da." Penny grinned, hair bunned up, in as severe a dark suit as Amy's closet and hasty alterations could provide. "I am likely but no means certain attractive yet clewver spy and willain of piece. Or perhaps innocent tragic wictim?" she eyed Leonard, rather winsomely.

Tell me you haven't been hanging out with Barry Kripke to get the accent down…He eyed her.

Hmmn…Sheldon pondered. "So she's the Jim Brown character in our little 'Ice Station Zebra'?"

Howard "Bud Barclay" staring at him. "Watched it with my dad, years ago. I liked the ice caps and the undersea things that weren't so scary as 'The Abyss'." Sheldon noted.

"People, we have the light!" Temporary Cameragirl Bernadette noted.)

"Is interesting. But we have had similar wessel for many years in Russian flweet." Dr. Hofstadter noted with arch look.

"You mean the one that sank chasing after me a few years ago?" Swift noted. "A pretty poor copy, you screwed it on the rotors." Metal fatigue, he explained to the others, "Their stuff couldn't stand up to a deep dive. That was when we discovered this underwater ancient city of gold."

"Listen to him...'we discovered this underwater ancient city of gold'...Like that's such a big deal." Proton to Dr. Amy...

Well...Actually...Her expression back...

"In Russian oceanic territory…" Hofstadter insisted.

"International waters and settled by the UN." Swift replied. "But can we try to put temporary hostilities aside and try to focus on the loss to Science and potential threat to Humanity if this alien cargo is lost or opened without proper controls?"

"Da." Hofstadter shrugged. "But Rwussia demands her interests in this matter be rwespected. We are no pushowvers but world-class power. As exwemplified by our belovwed Pwresident Putinsky and his physical pwrowess."

("I see she studied at the 'Rocky and Bullwinkle' Academy of Acting." Lesley grinned to Raj. Who sighed.

Uneasy lies the head of the General Strongguy who must make these civies work together.

"And I think I did see her at Kripke's office the other day…No doubt taking lessons in Kwripkesse and maybe giving a few things…" she smiled to Leonard.

"You really are pure evil." Raj sighed. "You know, now that you've chosen to come out, you really should meet my sister. I think you'd hit it off…"

"Does everyone keep having to mention that Priya's come out…" Leonard sighed. "Leonard? I know I respect her for it." Penny, high-mindedly. Shrewd glance to Amy and Bernadette…

Hah. I knew it! Triumphant expression to Amy's stare…

Alright, I didn't. But I hoped…

"She could've gotten the truth out of that Leonard-hurting backstabber months ago." Amy shrugged to Bernadette. "She should've just done what I did when I found her living across from Sheldon and feigned proto-lesbian interest. A week of sniffing around her tree and she'd've either exposed her or been on her lesbian honeymoon.")

"We've included you in the team, Doctor." General Smith noted. "No one is being excluded from any information."

"But regards the threat to Humanity, Swift…" Proton, Jr. eyed the lanky inventor. "What possessed you to let such a matter be kept from the scientific community so long?"

"It wasn't my choice, Proton." Swift shrugged. "The UN asked it be kept secret until we were sure we could secure the ship and its cargo safely in space. Then when this incident occurred they were only more concerned about keeping things quiet. I would have announced months ago…"

"Another Swift 'miracle'…" Proton frowned.

"This would have been one…" General Smith noted. "But Mr. Swift is a patriot, in the global sense, and he consented to the UN's request, for which we are grateful. And he has put his array of craft including this one at our disposal…"

"A ripoff of Cousteau's diving saucer, Swift?" Proton grinned. "A little beneath even you…"

"Not exactly, Professor of what exactly?, Proton." Swift eyed him coolly. "My girl here, the Ocean Arrow, is a diving seacopter, a flying submarine, in fact."

"It flies…And dives…?" Proton stared, a bit miffed.

"With any luck, yeah. To a height of 50000 feet using backup jets and a depth of four miles, tested." Proud note.

"Nice…" Dr. Amy noted. Proton frowning…

"Well, it is nice, Prof P." she pointed out. "And just the tool we'll need to reach the space cargo if it lands as expected."

"Tool is right…And if a tinkerer like Swift hadn't been involved in our first alien contact…" a miffed…Dr. A?...Where's that loyalty?...Proton glared at Swift.

"Professor…" the General frowned. "We've told you it was not Mr. Swift's fault that the cargo was diverted from what would have been a relatively safe rendezvous point in space."

"Right, right…Someone stole the codes and the correct transmission frequency, sent a diversionary message to the aliens, these so-called exo-Martians, and now is blocking all attempts to reach the aliens to prevent their vessel from landing on Earth." Proton shrugged. "Sounds like a typical engineer's blunder…"

("If you need someone to play the supervillain or even henchguy who puts a torpedo in Proton, Jr…" Howard hissed to Leonard.)

"What blunder? Someone broke into my facilities and stole the data…" Swift glared back.

"Do I detect a note of accusation there…Dr. Amy? I'm a little slow on these things." Proton turned to Amy.

"No, you're quite right Prof. P…There's a definite note of accusation…" who shook head, frowning at Swift.

"Well it could just as easily have been Muncie here…" Proton noted, indicating Wyckcliff who glared.

"That's Dr. Wyckcliffe, you kiddie-show host…Munson to my special friends."

("And Priya would make a fine one, I'm sure…" Penny hissed to Amy, grinning.

"You and your 'bestie'…" an annoyed Raj, overhearing, glared… "Ought to know…"

"Hey…!" Penny fumed. Amy looking distressed.

"I apologize…Amy…That was uncalled for." Raj noted.

"Hey!"

"I should have realized Penny was the instigator…" Raj, grinning.)

"Stupid name any way you say it…" Proton shrugged.

"Wait a mo…" Dr. Amy blinked, staring at the General. "You brought us here because you think one of us took Swift's codes and is jamming the frequency."

"There's your guilty party…" Wyckcliffe grinned. "Why'd you do it, Proton? Couldn't face doing any more Saturday morning science cartoons? Or did you have your doormat here do the dirty work?"

"Hey…!" Dr. Amy fumed.

"People…" the General, sternly. "To be frank, we could just as easily suspect any of you and I'm afraid Dr. Amy is right. We did call you all together as the only people who might have guessed at the Swifts' contact with the aliens."

"I have to concede that bit of imagination to Muncie here…" Proton smiled. "I'd've never believed a mere Edison of an engineer/tinkerer could ever be the first to contact aliens. By the way, are you sure these really are aliens? I'd bet they're cheap carnival show people dressing on TV as aliens…"

"Professor…" the General sighed.

"No, General…Professor of whatever Proton has a point." Swift conceded. "Maybe I could take him alone into space and throw him out on a orbit to intercept the Martians in 100000 years." Proton glaring…

"So to escape Proton's kindergarten for a moment…" Wyckcliffe eyed the General, then Swift. "You think one of us took the codes and diverted this cargo. You gotta any proof, specifically?"

"No, or one or more of you would be under interrogation and facing a series of long prison sentences in highly specialized military prisons." The General, quietly.

"Fine way to treat people who came to their Nation's aid." Wyckcliffe noted.

"Perhaps…" the General nodded. "But if one of you is guilty, you've not only endangered an incredibly precious cargo, you've put all life on Earth at risk. If these specimens are improperly released, the ecological damage they and any microorganisms they carry that could infect Earth life would be catastrophic."

"Rwussia rwesents the implications of these rwemarks, General." Dr. Hofstadter noted firmly.

"They're not intended at Rwus…Russia, Doctor." The General, sternly.

"So you're keeping us together to keep an eye on us till the guilty party cracks?" Wyckcliffe eyed the General.

"No time for that…From our tracking data and what we received of the diverting message, we believe the alien cargo is within 48 hours of Earth." The General sighed.

"Oh, 24 hours of Proton would be enough to crack me if I were guilty." Wyckcliffe noted.

"Says you…Well…Munson is still a stupid name…" Proton, Jr, a bit lamely.

….


	5. Chapter 5

Note-There is a new "Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr." intro video now up on the Sheldonverse page of my Buffy Rebecca verse (regertz, Sheldonverse should get you there).


	6. Chapter 6

"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part V…

Conference room, Swift Enterprises' Fearing Island submarine pens,

"So these are the coordinates we were able to glean from the transmissions from Earth before all signals were jammed on our friends' frequencies and all near ones…" Swift indicated the figures on screen.

"Latitude and longitude…?" Wyckcliffe asked. "The aliens grasp the concept?"

"It's fairly basic, any four-year old with the ability to read at a twelve-grade level could grasp that…" Proton, smugly.

"Really? I read at college level at four. But maybe in Texas the term 'genius' applies to anyone wearing glasses and able to read…At the first grade level." Wyckcliffe smiled.

"People…" General Smith glared.

Worse than those negotiations between the IS and Iraqis…But I could have them all droned.

"But aliens surely would need more reference…" Wyckcliffe pointed out.

"We were working with the aliens to determine their past landing sites during their ancient failed expeditions to Earth in hopes of finding the sites. We gave them very detailed explanations of our mapping systems over the last decade. The point is…" Swift, patiently… "We have the approximate coordinates of the crash site…In the South Atlantic, near one of those likely ancient landing sites."

"Maybe we should call in Erich von Dannike ("You want correct names or you wanna avoid lawsuits?" Howard noted to a frowning Sheldon.)." Proton sneered. "He could tell us all kinds of unfounded fairy tales about ancient astronauts and UFOs…And fairies…"

"Is wise and funny man, this Proton, no?" a pleased Dr. Hofstadter eyed Dr. Amy who frowned.

"No." curt response.

("Yeah, that's very funny…Hee…Suggesting me jealous of my dear bestie and her unquenchable allure for all red-blooded males, particularly macho types from Texas. Anyone might think all my efforts to befriend her and mildly hint at a lesbian interest in our past days were ploys to uncover her relationship with Sheldon and undermine it." Amy, nervous smile to Leonard. Penny, Howard, Bernadette staring. "Way to go with the extreme fantasy, screenwriter Leonard. Real 'Twilight Zone' stuff." Nod, nervous chuckle. "Isn't that crazy fringe stuff, Sheldon?"

"Even I knew you were bitterly jealous of Penny, Amy. It was a huge turn-on." Sheldon, quietly.)

"If you don't wanna be a part of this, Proton…" Swift noted.

"Yeah, lets get the kiddies and kiddie show host outta here and get to work, Tommie." Wyckcliffe nodded.

"Hey…" Dr. Amy glared.

"Dr. Wyckcliffe…" the General sighed. "Professor Proton, Jr's scientific work in dark matter is noted…"

"As much as his failures in string theory…" grin.

("Leonard!" Amy, fiercely. "I had to work it in to get Lesley to do this…" Leonard sighed. "Sheldon said he was ok with it, so long as he got a biting and witty riposte…" "It had better be very witty and biting, Hofstadter." Amy,grimly. "Yeah, bite me, Cooper." Lesley grinned.)

"String theory has theoretical validation and everybody has heard of it, even say, blonde waitresses/actresses who can't master basic Physics 101. Run the video of our blonde waitress, Dr. Amy…"

"Check…" Amy pressing button on portable camera. Projection video of blonde waitress on wall, remarkably similar to Dr. Hofstadter in appearance,

"Like fer sure I've heard of stringing theory and that dark matter stuff…Dude." The waitress responds to off-camera voiced question. "Like quantum what?...Who's ever heard of a quantum loop gravity? Dude?"

"See…" Proton, folding arms… ("Thanks…" Amy beams to Penny. "For my bestie and to get Lesley, the girl who nearly made my honey's life a rerun of his parents? Anything…" Penny offering high-five…)

"Doctor? I can have you shot for having an unauthorized video camera in here." The General eyed Dr. Amy.

Uh…Well…

"Glad to give the order to fire, General…" Wyckcliffe, frowning. "And I might point out, strike two on the treason front for Proton and his doormat…"

"We'll pass on the execution. For now… But turn in your camera, doctor." The General, calmly. Projecting that confident calm that only the truly macho…

("Raj! Get away from that keyboard…!" Howard fumed.)

"I protest. As a Texan, an insult to my woman is an insult to me, sort of. Besides…Taking videos of me in my endeavors is Dr. Amy's principle reason for existing, let alone being on my team." Proton noted.

("Sheldon?! What do you mean, how did I like your venture into screenwriting?! You wrote that?!" Amy fumed. "I want that cut, Howard."

Even if, I'm his woman…She beamed.)

"Oh, she's a woman?" Wyckcliffe, cuttingly. "I figured you made her out of spare parts…"

"I demand an apology! I'd never make a woman out of spare parts…" Proton glared…Amy nodding. "I wouldn't waste my time…I'd have Swift dodad one for me."

"Fine…I apology to Dr. Amy. I was outta line. Sorry. I should sympathize for anyone with a brain slug attached." Wyckcliffe shrugged. "And I meant I'd give the order to fire at Proton…"

"That's it!" Dr. Amy, furious, rising. "Time you dropped 150 IQ points, lady!"

"Still leave me smarter than you and the kiddie host put together!" Wyckcliffe.

"Peoples…" Dr. Hofstadter, shaking head.

Like St. Petersburg U after hockey championship with Ukraine…

"Can we get back to the salvation of Humanity?" Swift, quietly.

("Nice job, bestie…" Penny nudged. "I wasn't acting…" Amy glared.)

Looks round the room…

Fine…Collective sigh…

"I would point out that it seems we are a bit top-heavy with physicists for an alien biohazard team…" Wyckcliffe noted. "Shouldn't we expand to include at least one competent biologist? Or is the real interest here in analyzing the alien vessel? And all this 'menace to Humanity' a blind for the government to get its hands on other-world tech?"

"Doctor?" The General frowned. "Dr. Hofstadter is a world-famous exobiologist. And the menace is quite real, I assure you."

(Hot and world-famous…exowhatever…Penny noted archly to Leonard. It's the glasses…They get those cold Russians all steamy...

Uh…"Howard? Could we take an early lunch?" Leonard called.)

"Quite the eco-radical we have here…" Proton eyed Wyckcliffe. "I'd say you've found your woman or whatever traitor here, General."

"Just because some of us have more on our mind than profit or appealing to kiddies on Saturday morning TV, asswipe…!" Wyckcliffe fumed.

"Professor, Dr. Wyckcliffe, please…" the General raised a hand.

"We also have Proton's and my expertise in theoretical biophysics…Since our collaboration on the biophysics of neural stimulation in drug-addicted monkeys." Dr. Amy, quickly.

"Exploding brains of monkey addicts…That's got be a real help here." Wyckcliffe sneered.

"And we have a microbiologist…" Swift noted. "The last member of our team…She was delayed at her conference, my good pal Bud Barclay…Dashing test pilot, staunch buddy, and all-around all-American type…Just brought her in. Ladies and gentlemen, my younger sister, Bernadette Rostenkowski-Swift."

My dad's second wife kept her maiden with hyphen, he noted as the door to the conference room opened and the handsome, lithe, if compact, Bud Barclay entered with the said Dr. Rostenkowski-Swift on arm.

"Another Swift, naturally…" Proton, low-voiced grouse, frowning.

"Gotta go with you on this one, Neutron…" Wyckcliffe hissed.

"Sis…Good to have you here. Thanks for joining us." Swift beamed.

"Glad…To… Hey, Dr. A. Dr. Wyckcliffe." Curt look.

"Little and large-chested…" Wyckcliffe nodded. "Heya, Buddy-boy…" lewd grin to former beau Bud Barclay, who gave annoyed frown.

("That your contribution?" Bernadette eyed Howard.

"It had better be, comrade husband…" Penny, eyeing a hapless Leonard.)


	7. Chapter 7

"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part VI…

Conference room, Swift Enterprises' Fearing Island submarine pens…

"So…Having narrowed your choice of genius scientists and potential traitors to us…" Professor Proton, Jr noted, shrewdly of course, as Dr. Amy fondly noted and carefully narrated, sotto voce.

"Doctor?" General Smith catching her look, and speech, to hidden camera.

"Sorry…" sigh, handing wrist camera over.

"Anyone not getting who's been taking videos in a top security area under martial law?" Wyckcliffe noted, pleasantly.

"I'm letting it pass…For the last time…Given Dr. Amy's and Professor Proton's known patriotism, dedication to scientific truth, and the right of the public to know all." General Smith, firmly.

"I never said I thought the public should know everything. My God, most of those people are idiots who say silly things on YouTube. They couldn't handle the truth." Proton noted.

"So it's just for the money?" Wyckcliffe, sweetly. "A dweeb, a crypto-fascist, and money-grubbing all in one?…I'd say we have our man, more or less…And our little girl, her sidekick."

("Amy?!" "Sorry, it was kinda funny…" Amy beamed. Glaring immediately at Lesley in desperate recompense…

Watch yourself there…Sheldon frowned. The Relationship Agreement has a review clause…)

"Dr. Wyckcliffe. I think we have more important concerns right now than your little spat with the Professor and Dr. Amy." Dr. Rostenkowski-Swift cut in. "And you have pigeon breasts, jerk." Glare.

("I honestly didn't…" Leonard whispered to Lesley who shrugged, grinning. "I know you didn't, ex-sweetpie." Fond pat.

Penny, glare at said pat…

Too fond, much too fond…

And like my bestie says…Or used to when spying/hitting on me…Sexuality is a specter or whatever…

"I just need to find out if it's a mating call. I did hear tell she was a bit of a wild type before Howard…" Lesley to Leonard, grin Bernadetteward.

"Is Lesley looking at me the way you do when I say, ok fine, I guess?" Bernadette eyed Howard.

"Aw, c'mon, you know I'm kidding…My hot lil' Jewish rocket…" she frowned at his look, cozying at end. "But seriously…As to Lesley and her libido…"

First, Priya and Leonard…Then Priya and the girl I nearly married…Now this…Why?…Why do I do have to be cursed with acute hearing and my mother's snoopiness? Raj sighed. )

"Of course you know who would really round out our merry band of incompetents and myself…?" Wyckcliffe noted. "And since the US government is indulging Swift in nepotism and Proton in keeping his pneumatic doormat of a sex toy around…"

("Should I be furious or rather pleased or…Titillated? What's my motivation?" Amy, to Penny…

"Please…Either to Sheldon or Lesley, don't be that…Eehew…Word." Penny sighed.)

"Oh, no that…" Proton sighed. "And Amy is not pneumatic…"

("Did he not deny…?" Penny blinked to Leonard. "Nope, he didn't…I think I wanna crawl under my bed now…" Leonard sighed.

"I'm rethinking that time he came into my room to clean now, you know." She noted, nervously.

"Well, I…"

"Yeah, but I know you just came to clean…" she noted. Blanching at Amy's wink…

I was a nice somewhat slutty Nebraska girl before I came to this Pasadena den of inquity.)

"My brother's a brilliant biophysicist…" ("Oh, can't I say 'bwrillant'?" Lesley chuckled. "Works for me…" Sheldon noted. "Go for it…" current director Howard nodded.)

"My bwrother's a bwrilliant…Sorry, comes out whenever I mention him…Biophysicist. He oughta be on this team." Wyckcliffe, insistent.

"Yes…" sigh by General Smith. "We'd already called him in…He's being escorted here by two MPs, away from the female staff in the main facility, now."

"Awright…Wyckcliffe, male, is hewre to save the day…" A voice at door noted. "Hello, sis, guys, Prwofessor Captn Kangarwoo, rweasonably hot sex parwtner to Captn Kangarwoo, Dr. Hofstadter, you hot Rwussian hottie."

("And may I say, that was not acting." Kripke noted to a eye-rolling Penny.

"We need an adult rating on this thing for You Tube…" Bernadette hissed to Howard. "Our kid might find it by accident someday."

"You Tube doesn't have a rwating for what I brwing to the scrween, lady." Kripke noted.)

….


	8. Chapter 8

"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part VII…

At the demand of the newly arrived aptly named Bwarry Wyckcliffe…

His parents, based on family history, having hoped to make his life a bit easier in doing so having far overshot…

…To be fair, eagerly seconded by several of the others, a reluctant Swift…Fate of Humanity, people? Really a time to chow?...Had ordered food to be brought to the conference room…

Till I'm prwoperwly fed, the Fate of Humanity can kiss my starwving ass…Bwarry noted, grabbing pastrami on rye.

Proton, meanwhile, a bit annoyed at receiving what was plainly orange and not tangerine chicken… Swift can "repelatron" himself to deep space, contact aliens, find undersea cities of gold, but he can't take a dinner order…As Dr. Amy reviewed Swift's notes on the mathematical symbolic language he and his "space friends", "exo-Martians"…Yeah, some "friends", Proton had noted…Dumping a cargo of infectious, or at least creepy and crawly things on us…

Munson Wyckcliffe likewise engaged, though not adverse to urging Penova Hofstadter to have a seat and conduct an international dialogue…

Preferably with tongue…

("I didn't write that…" Leonard sighed to a glaring Penny. "My contribution…" Lesley smiled, rather fondly to Penny. "Say thanks for that Collaborator's Agreement, article two, paragraph one, my tightass Texan…" she nodded to Sheldon, who, accepting, the praise of his other nemesis after Brent Spinner, returned same.

"'My' tightass Texan…?" Amy, narrow glare to Sheldon…

"It's one of the nicest things she's called me." Sheldon nodded.

"Wait. Are we callwing Wlesley a wlesbian herwe?" Kripke asked, somewhat odd glance to a suddenly less ebullient Lesley. Penny, catching look.

Whoa.

Well, she has done it with practically every other male in town, except maybe Rajesh and Stuart.

"Hofstadter? I expect Cwooper to be an asshole where Winkle's concerwned but…While for the wears of Human Rwesources therwe's nothing wrong with that, a bit clichéd mean, don't we whink?" a rather grim Kripke, hard stare at the suddenly befuddled Leonard.

My God…Penny stared.

He's actually…

"Lesley came out months ago, Kripke, where've you been?" Howard shook head. "She's ok with this, aren't you, Lesley?"

"Yeah…" somewhat muted tone, glance Kripkeward…

Wait…Bernadette stared. A puzzled Howard glancing to her…Oh…Seeing her look.

Whoa.

"Were you also one of Lesley's heterosexual sex partners, Kripke?" Sheldon asked. "If so, joke's on you…" beam.)

"Quite a place, Swift…" Bwarry noted, sitting with overloaded plate. "Giant rwobots, rwockets, submarwines, nice. But as an Amerwican patrwiot I must say I am sad to see no hot female andrwoids in prwoduction. The Japanese are way ahead of us in that wital spherwe." Wagging finger. "All I can say is, brwing on the Amerwican sex rwobots before we fall irrwetrwievably behind. Unless of course…Rwussia has leapt ahead of the US in that field? How's about it, Penova. You a good time sex andrwoid as well as an exobiologwist? If so, sign me up for the Rwussian Science Academy."

"He is amusing fellow, this one with the speech impwediment…" Dr. Hofstadter noted, amused.

("Honey…I get that my character's more effective being coolly amused by him. But can't I be coolly amused and still deck him in the balls?" Penny eyed Leonard. "Ohhh…Possible forweplay to enwhance the scene. How's about some prwactice rweherwsal later, Mrws, H.?" Kripke suggested, oily grin… "I can give you pwointers with the accent."

"No." Penny.

"That's my character's icy Rwussian manner, don't take it personal."

"No…I lwove it. But you sure you should be comwing on to me in frwont of your cuckwold? Ow! Hey!" Kripke groaning at the kick.

"You're lucky Leonard's over there with Howard. He'd put you through that door. So, is that the foreplay scene, Bwarry? I think it could be pretty funny." Penny grim hiss, then light normal speech, Leonard anxiously hurrying over on hearing the groan and seeing the aftermath of Kripke clutching himself, dark look at Penny.

"Uhhh…Yeah…Verwy comedic." Kripke, reluctantly taking hint.

"Stop trying to put on a show for Lesley, Kripke." She hissed. Even as Lesley came over, looking genuinely concerned.

"What's up? Besides Kripke?" Glance at Kripke who seemed surprisingly more annoyed with her than Penny.

"Not any more…" Penny, lightly. "Just for the scene, honey." She eyed Leonard's own concerned look. "Bwarry gets lesson, is perfect gentlesman from now on. Hilarious."

"Yeah…" Kripke, groaning again. Lesley eyeing him, then slight frown Pennyward.

"Come on, I wanna discuss the next scene, screenwriter." Penny pulling Leonard.

"You coulda let me." Leonard hissed as they walked away.

"You'd've killed him." She hugged him. "No question, my lil' muscle bound, relatively speakin', natch, homonucleus."

"Still may before we're done." Singsong whisper.

"He'll be good now. Nothing like a Nebraskan lesson in manners." Penny beamed. "Hafta see if I can redo it for the camera without hitting him. It does make for a funny scene."

"Let me see how long I can prolong it…Slo mo the kick, maybe?" Leonard, glare back at Kripke.

"You ok?" Lesley, uncertain, to Kripke.

"Verwy funny." He glared. She blinking a moment…

"Look…At the time…" she began.

"Yeah, yeah…I gotta get ice. My next scene's coming and I'm a prwofessional. Sis." He walked away.

"Everything ok?" Bernadette had come over, gentle tone, careful look to the stunned Lesley.

"Shut up…" Lesley stalked off.

"Are we taking a break? Amy can go get me tangerine chicken so she can play getting me tangerine chicken in the next scene." Sheldon noted.)


	9. Chapter 9

"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part VIII…

("Barry, I did love you, I mean…If I'd marry any guy…" Lesley sighed.

"That what you said to Hofstadter?" Barry eyed her.

"I was scared then…I wanted to validate my heterosexuality and try to fix the label permanently and Leonard's such a nice, wonderful, loving guy." Lesley shrugged. "It wasn't right, especially when anyone could see how much Penny loved him, scared as she was to love anyone, poor kid, but I panicked and he seemed safe…I knew he'd never hurt me or abandon me…Until it turned out he'd been infected by the dumbass and was lost to the insanity that is string theory."

"So you knew then, for surwe…And still…Us?" Kripke glared.

"I was still kinda…And you were so rwight…Right, for me, Barry. We were almost perfect together, in our pov of the world." She shook head. "I really thought I could make it work, make you happy. But, it wasn't fair to you…So…"

"We were perwfect. Then you let me think it was me and my philanderwing…Even when I sworwe I'd nevwer…What a laugh that mustwve been." Grim look.

"I'm sorry…Barry, I am…"

"Skwip it…Just tell me if it was a jwoke. 'I love you, Barry'. Fwunny, ha-ha."

"It wasn't a joke…I never said it to anyone else, not even Leonard." she bowed head. "And if things were different…"

"It wouldn't have matterwed…Mwuch…To me. I can manage the swex parwt. I have a full collection of devwices, you know." Shake of head. "Just so long as you lwoved me in spirwit."

"I do love you." She insisted. "But I can't cheat you or me…"

"I don't carwe…Therwe's no one but you…Say the word, I'll have em cut it off. Lwesley, I lwove you." Urgent hiss.

"I love you too…Barry, I can't do this to you." Weeping now.

"It doesn't matter to me…Hell, I'm not Rwoss on 'Frwiends'…I'll worwk it out. Lwesley, if you lwove me at all, don't abandwon me. Hey, hottie." Immediate change to upbeatly sexist tone as Penny approached.

"You guys ok?" she eyed them.

"Sure." Lesley, rather curt. "Surwe, now I have the wovely fields of Nebrwaska in my field of wision." Barry, expansively. "Couldn't kweep away, eh? 'Dwotor' Hofstadter?" lewd grin.

"We have the next scene and that is Hofstadter, Barry." Penny, grimly. "And the only reason I don't deck you again is I know damned well you're just puttin' it on for Lesley."

"Don't be rwidic…ridiculous, blondie. Barry's no love-sick pup, broken by my callous abandonment, unlike some people I could mention who rebounded beneath them." Lesley, sneering tone.

"Just remember I'm a reformed bully and I predatered…Or whatever…Mainly on girls in my day, Winkley." Penny coldly.

"Oooh…Love to see that…" Barry grinned.

"You get one last pass, Kripke." Penny shook head. "And I am sorry for you, guys. But lets pick this up while we have the light, ok?")

"Welcome aboard…" Swift, at hatchway, nodded to the group now climbing the gangway to the side hatch of his diving seacopter, the Ocean Arrow.

"Proton?" he stared at Proton, Jr. and Dr. Amy…Dr. Amy loaded down with several bags and a backpack of gear, Proton carrying his own small travel bag… "What are you doing with all this stuff?" taking a satchel from a grateful Dr. Amy.

"My own equipment, from my own lab, Swift. I had General Smith arrange for it to be delivered."

"Proton, the Arrow is fully equipped with the latest analysis equipment."

"Your version of latest…Get him…'The' latest." Proton noted to the sweating Dr. Amy who carefully set the bags and backpack down.

[Nice realism there, Screenwriter guy mate, Penny grinned to Leonard. "I buy that scene completely."

Hmmn…Sheldon, frowning at them. "You know I get the feeling I should be annoyed at them but for the life of me I can't see why." He noted to the sweating Amy.]

Dr. Hofstadter following behind, Bwarry at her side, carrying her suitcase, turning to Swift as he greeted them.

"So, I imagine the living qwarters must be a bit cwrowded, Swift? I volunteewr to shawre mine, so long as my rwoomie is Rwussian." Smile to Penova who eyed him calmly.

"Is no need, I am used to sleeping with floor. That is not mistake in English. I find it better company than most males, thanks you, Bwarry." Smile to Swift who grinned.

"No need, the Arrow is pretty spacious, actually. There are cabins for all of us. Yours is to the right going in, Wyckcliffe. And yours way over left, with the other ladies, Dr. Hofstadter." He addressed her, another grin.

"That's a foolish and I must say, sexist, awrrangement, Swift." Bwarry frowned. "We should be able to conswult with our colleawgues at any time."

"This isn't the Love Boat, Wyckcliffe. You're a physicist and next to Proton…" Swift noted, dryly. "Consult away."

"I am sure there wills be plenty of opportunities to share information, Dr. Wyckcliffe. Would you take bag to room, please? Thanks so much." Penova beamed at Bwarry who muttered, but proceeded, lugging the large suitcase.

Swift eyeing Penova who shrugged. "He carries case, I throw small bone. Rwussian compromise."

"Swift!" Proton had reemerged from the interior… "Your minion Barclay is protesting my setting up essential equipment in the control room! Tell him he's threatening the mission and being idiotic." he immediately disappearing back inside…

"Gotta be able to reach the controls or there's not gonna be a mission, idiot!" Bud's voice from inside.

"Engineers…" Proton, directing the somewhat distressed Dr. Amy in equipment set up, glared at the annoyed Bud by the control panels.

…..

"Compromise?! There can be no compromises in Science!" Proton fumed at Dr. Amy's careful phrased suggestion that for the greater good, perhaps this one time…As he and Bud Barclay continued their "friendly" debate regarding working space in the forward "Arturo" compartment of the Ocean Arrow. "This equipment is essential to my work here. And since this mission is deemed vital to Humanity and I was called to work on it, ergo my work is vital to Humanity, which I certainly already knew…"

Swift now summoned by Barclay, trying to mediate between the two in the control room, Dr. Amy and Dr. Rostenkowski-Swift distressed witnesses…

"Certainly more essential than your friend and his girl spooning over the controls…" Proton insisted.

"We're all essential to this project, Proton." Barclay glared. "Including Bernadette and me…And I'll concede, even you, maybe…Though I have my doubts. But it's even more 'essential' right now that I be able to reach the controls to pilot this ship. Not to mention Dr. Rostenkowski-Swift is doing some of her work here already, checking and calibrating the biometric sensors."

"Professor P, I really think…" Dr. Amy began…

"When I showed the children of Hamilton Fish Grade School 5 how to make eggs stand on end, did I agree to 'compromise' like their teacher unfairly demanded?" Proton insistently asked.

Barclay rolling eyes to Bernadette working beside him at the control panel, who sighed.

Bud…Lets just try to endure this as gracefully as possible.

"Professor, you broke all their hand-painted Easter eggs but one." Amy noted, as mildly as possible. "The kids were all crying."

"And one has to break a few eggs sometimes in Science…" Proton noted archly.

"Is this what this TV show clown is here for, to break eggs?" Barclay, coldly.

"Bud…" Bernadette tried.

"Hey! Professor Proton is a fully competent advanced theoretical physicist whose specialty is dark matter." Dr. Amy glared. "Go, tinker with your do-dad controls…We'll find another place to do real science."

"Just a minute!" Bernadette rose, furious. "Bud is chief engineer as well as pilot here and designed a lot of the components that made this ship possible."

"Edisons always have a lot of geek monkeys around to do their bidding…" Amy, equally furious now.

"Sis…Bud…Proton…" pleading looks, then dark look to Proton at end, Swift tried.

"Ladies…Bud…" Swift sighed. "Bud…Just use the Subaro compartment on the other side. We'll transfer all main control there."

"Fine." Barclay glared at the now smugly triumphant Proton. "It'll be easier to jettison him while he's in here alone."

"And we have our spy…" Proton, archly. Barclay fuming

Though, spy or no, never leave me alone in here, while he's at the controls, ok? He hissed to Dr. Amy who nodded.

Wait…Eyeing the now enraged Dr. A…Was that 'Edisons' a hit at me? If so, not bad…I for one always admired my fellow Tom…Swift, slight smile.

"Dark matter…" Barclay, suddenly intrigued. "So that's it…" he eyed Proton. "That's what you're up to here. This is a detector…" he eyed the equipment half-completed.

"It is…" Proton nodded. "My own design…"

"Professor Proton is a Tesla…" Amy, proudly.

"Tesla? Amy…" Proton protested. "Another over-praised engineer? At least pick someone theoretical…Einstein would be good."

"Do you always let him talk to you like that…?" Bernadette to Amy, who tried to ignore the question.

"Of course I talk to her like that. It's my job as her superior to point out her errors and flaws…" Proton noted.

"Shut up!" Amy, Bernadette. The started Proton backing off.

["Is this really how comedy works?" Sheldon hissed to Penny. "Oh…Yeah, sweetie." She grinned. "Seems insulting to me." "One step away, sweetie…Always one step away."

"I thought that was tragedy?" Sheldon blinked.

"Since when would you know the difference?" Leonard, archly, to Penny's reproving grin.]

"You know we thought the aliens might be using dark matter in their power systems from what technical stuff they'd sent us…" Barclay noted to Proton, examining the detector setup.

"It's the likeliest source of power if they're operating as an independent transstellar species." Proton nodded. "I wrote a paper on that topic a few years ago…"

"Tesla?! Proton couldn't even operate a Tesla coil…I saw the episode when he tried." Bernadette to Amy, both raging now.

"Speculating on the means by which a rogue planet might be able to obtain energy as well as starships…We both read it, Tom and I." Barclay nodded. "It wasn't bad." Shrug.

"Professor Proton, Jr. doesn't need to be handy…" Amy tried.

"I'll bet…" Bernaderte sneered. "And not so 'handy' out of the lab either, eh?"

"You little yeast infection!" Amy cried.

["What?!" Bernadette glared… "I was supposed to say that, right, Leonard?" Amy, nervously. "Leonard, what the hell?" Bernadette fumed. "Look, it was my idea…" Penny sighed. "We need a catfight here between you two to keep things rolling and contrast with the Bud-Proton thing and Leonard couldn't bring himself to really fire it up. It takes a good one to make Amy look 'fired up'."

"Seems like a good move to me…" Amy noted. "I know we always get more comments when Alex brings things over for a segment and I make a somewhat annoyed remark after Sheldon flirts with her…"

"I don't 'flirt'…" Sheldon as all stared at Amy, then him.

"You 'flirt' with Alex?" Howard, grinning.

"I don't 'flirt'. I said once, 'Thanks Alex, make sure you don't add this to your hours again.'"

"You said it with a very 'flirty' look…" Amy insisted. "And you did say once, 'Alex does seem to be the type Leonard would go for…'. That's your code phrase for, 'that girl is hot, whoa'."

"Amy…" Sheldon, desperately. "That's not true."

"Don't even try, honey." Penny eyed Leonard's pleading look. "I know she's crazy about you. But I'm confident you're much too terrified of me." Smile.

"I'm just amazed at this new sign of Humanity in Cooper." Howard shook head.

"Oh…? And who else is a type 'Leonard would go for'?" Amy, grim stare at Sheldon.

"Ok, the catfight does look like a good idea…" Bernadette noted to Penny. "But one 'yeast infection' joke is it."

"Yeah. Leonard? Who else is a type you 'would go for'?" Penny eyed him, then gave Amy a grim look.]

"High praise from a jumped-up grease monkey." Proton frowned to Barclay.

"Fine, ok...Sorry." Hands in depreciating gesture "…But you…Say, ladies? Could you tone it down?" he turned to Amy and Bernadette. "Talking here…" he noted.

"That's as close to sex as you'll ever get…!" Bernadette, howling now.

"What's with them?" Proton stared, to Barclay. "Beats me…" Bud shrugged.

["Are they making fun of us in this scene while we fight for their honor?" Amy frowned to Bernadette.]

…

"So…? What's the rwacket and why was I not summoned to witness the firwst catfight of our trwip?" Bwarry Wyckcliffe had entered the forward compartment, eagerly eyeing the two angry female scientists.

"Is this how it's going to be the whole trip, Proton?" Munson, following her brother.

"Whoa…Is that a dark matter analysizer?" Bwarry eyed the partially set up equipment.

"It is…" Proton, guardedly. "Didn't know you took an interest in dark matter, Wyckcliffe. I thought the family religion was quantum fruit loops."

"Bernie…Come on, company…" Bud was soothing the angry Bernadette. "Dr. Amy's just frustrated cause she's hot for the proton and he won't give up his charge."

"Hey…!" Amy glared.

"Ha, ha…Funny man, Neutron. Which lack of any charge explains your lack of a sex life, girlfriend." Munson, to Amy at end.

"I'm open to rwadical thinking, Proton." Bwarry, shrugging off Munson's…Bwarry? The True Faith?...Frown. "But why a detectowr hewre? Oh…" he nodded.

"I'm sure the aliens would use something else." Munson, grimly. "When we recover their ship, we'll see."

"It would be the chweapest fowrm of intewrstellawr power, sis." Bwarry noted. "Lets not let dowgma blind us to new thinking."

"Doctor." General Smith had entered as well, disturbed at first by the fresh signs of disruption among his team but pleased to see some semblance of order restoring, now focusing on a serious matter of concern… "You realize that ship and its technology will be classified. I hope you're not expecting to obtain any information to be used personally."

"Far be from me to deprive the military-industrial complex of a new superweapon…" Munson sneered. "But so much for the pledge that this is in Humanity's interest…"

"Classified to the UN, Doctor. No one nation will benefit, you've all been assured of that." The General eyed her.

"I know I have absolute faith in such promises." Cold stare. "How's about you guys?" she looked around the control room, where Proton, Bwarry, and Barclay were now engaged in discussing the merits and serious flaws, Bwarry noting, in Proton's dark matter detector, while Swift was still trying to separate Drs. Amy and Bernadette.

"Sis? Twalking hewre." Bwarry shrugged.

"You're all a bunch of miserable sell-outs…" Wyckcliffe glared, turning on heel and heading back to the other main section. The General looking after Munson carefully.

"She seems worked up." Proton noted to Bwarry.

"Sis was always into the eco-, don't twrust the govewrnment, etc thing in college, I guess it stwuck." Bwarry shrugged. "Now as to the pawrticle flow stwream…"

"Sorry about the yeast infection…" Amy sighed. "Perhaps I am a bit defensive of the Professor."

"And I am of Bud. Cause he's brilliant at what he does. But Amy, you're a scientist too, with a doctorate. I know Proton's a genius, but he doesn't generally teach at your college anymore than you do. Where does he come off ordering you around and as 'the Professor'?" Bernadette, firmly.

"Well, the show is 'The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr.'." Amy noted, defensively. "And he doesn't…Always…Order me around. I tell him what to do, occasionally."

"Like when…?" Bernadette stared.

"Just tole him to 'Shut up'." Shy grin to Bernadette's returned one. "I can't believe you don't ever have troubles with Mr. Barclay."

"I'll let the 'Mister' pass as not meant to insult…" Bernadette frowned briefly. "Well, sure…Sometimes he's a bit overbearing with all his macho pilot/adventurer stuff he does with my brother. I kinda feel left out, once in a while. Like when they took Tom's Flying Lab to Chile and didn't even ask if I'd like to come. And then, off they go to the moon together…And do they ask me along? No."

"Sounds like they're very close…" Amy noted. "Fortunately for me there's no one closer to Proton than me."

"I gotta admit…" Bernadette smiled. "I am a wee bit jealous the way you and he are always together in those shows. He's a bit of pain in the butt but he clearly loves you more than anything."

"You think so…You're not just saying that to patch things up and keep this mission going?" Amy, an anxious look.

["What?" Leonard eyed a somewhat downcast Penny… "You have lots of good stuff coming, I promise." "Yeah…" sigh. "It's just…I hate it when Amy and Bernadette bond together and then go off talking Science and geek stuff like you guys…" sad look. "I mean, she's my bestie."]


	10. Chapter 10

"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part IX…

"Dad…" Swift, seated beside Bud Barclay at the controls, the others now seated and strapped in for departure, behind them, beamed at the video screen of the Ocean Arrow's Subaro compartment. "Thanks for seeing us off. Is Mom well?"

"She's much better, son. Dr. Wyckcliffe, Professor Proton, Dr. Fowler, Dr. Hofstadter, scumbag…" The large, handsome face of Tom Swift, Sr. on screen eyed Bwarry coldly. "I'm grateful to most of you for agreeing to accompany my son on this mission."

"Dad's never forgiven Wyckcliffe male for our cousin." Bernadette sighed to Amy as Bwarry sulked and Munson glared

"Pregnant…?"Amy hissed.

"No, just…The idea of Bwarry Wyckcliffe and his niece. Much too eehew."

"I think I understand…" nod. "Are they still…?"

"God, no…I think she became a nun."

("Is this hilarity going to continue, screenwriter?" Lesley eyed Leonard coldly. "I realize it's like rolling off a log, getting in a cheap joke at Barry's expense but hows about an attempt at something more sophisticated. Or are we simply trying to pander to over-hormoned teens?"

Uh…Leonard blinked. Penny frowning.

"It's only a joke and to establish Bwarry W's rep…" Leonard, a bit lamely. "I don't mean to offend…Sheldon's getting hit a few times, you know."

Figurative, figurative…Amy hurriedly consoled a startled Sheldon…Hit?

"It's fine Dr. Winkle. I rwather trweasure my wrep as a studly fellow. And no one said I hurt the girl." Kripke noted, calmly. "I apprweciate that Hofstadter. Whatever people say about me, I trwy never to hurt my parwtner." Careful avoidance of Lesley's quick look.

"I'm still in wonder how Sheldon got James Earl Jones to play Dr. Swift." Howard noted to Bernadette.

"I just told him this was the chance to finally get his face as well as his voice in the role of the hero son's father." Sheldon noted, shrugging. "Mr. Jones leapt at the chance, he's been waiting decades for that.")

"Sorry you couldn't join us, Dad." Swift told the screen. "But I'm glad you'll be at Swift Enterprises to keep trying to reach our friends. Any luck there?"

"As yet no, my son. We'll be trying a few new ideas as we discussed." Swift, Sr.

("And does kinda kill the Nordic blonde Nazi thing for Tom…" Howard beamed to Bernadette.)

"This is your father?" Penova whispered to Bernadette, eyeing Dr. Swift on screen.

"Yeah, why?" Bernadette eyed the Russian. Amy frowning…

"Nothing. Is very great scientist, your father." Slightly sheepish shrug.

"Darn tootin'." Firm stare.

"I don't suppose given we're some of the world's greatest scientists, we could have a few details about your efforts to reach the aliens." Munson addressed the screen. "Of course not, we can't be trusted."

"No, Dr. Wyckcliffe. Given one of you is a traitor to Humanity, you can't." Swift, Sr., grim voice that even Munson flinched a bit at.

"Dad loves doing that 'Voice of God' thing, especially when he's pissed at someone." Bernadette noted to Amy. "I tell you when he told us to quiet down in the back seat of the car…We clammed right up. But he's all voice of doom and no bite, a sweetie really."

("So what was that between Russian Penny and Bernadette?" Sheldon hissed to Amy who whispered an explanation.

Oh…

"You play a bigoted racist very well, Penny. And coming from East Texas, I should know." Sheldon called.)

"Our people here all understand that all information must be kept classified and need to know, Doctor." General Smith attempting to smooth feelings a bit.

"It's hard for us to help under such circumstances." Munson returned. "Though in Proton's case, what could it matter?"

"Munson is a silly name!" Amy, furious. "And speaking of matter, need I point out Professor Proton's already offered the first practical way to detect the alien vessel and its cargo, via his dark matter detector!"

"Right and if they don't use dark matter for power, useless as doing a chant or trying a divining rod or applying string theory." Wyckcliffe replied, archly.

"Sis…I think Prwoton may actually be on to something hewre." Bwarry urged.

"Lets focus on the problem at hand, ladies and gentlemen." Dr. Swift's stern voice silencing all. "We appreciate all your efforts and as the General says, it's only necessity that forces us to restrict information. Son? Do you believe you can reach the coordinates in time to anticipate the landing?"

"We should, Dad. We're heading out in five minutes. At normal speed we should get there in no more than twelve to thirteen hours, giving us plenty of time to set up."

"Good. Well, I'll monitor the situation here and if you need the Flying Lab we'll send it out as soon as possible."

"Right, thanks Dad."

"Good luck, son. Bernadette? My daughter." Swift, Sr. looked over to her. "Be safe. Mom sends her love. Mr. Barclay?" he addressed Bud standing by her. "I put my daughter's safety once again in your hands. Don't…Fail…Me." Grim look.

"No, sir." Bud nodding.

It's so nice to have a concerned dad who really terrorizes my boyfriends…Bernadette, contentedly.

"Safe journey to you all. We'll keep in touch. Swift Enterprises out." Swift, Sr told them, screen going black after a brief SE logo appeared and faded.

"All right." Swift looked round. "We're as ready as we'll ever be. Everyone check your seat belts and lets be off. Bud, take her out."

"Right…Everyone set? Good." Barclay adjusted his headset microphone. "Fearing Launch Control, this is Ocean Arrow, we're ready for cast off and submersion."

"This is Fearing Island Launch Control…You are go. Proceed out the channel and we'll see you on the surface for lift-off." The radio crackled.

"So we go underwater to the surface?" Proton looked to Amy.

"That's usually what submersion means, Neutron." Munson noted, grin to Bwarry in his seat. Though Bwarry not looking all that.

"We're off!" Bud called as the Ocean Arrow pulled away from the underground dock and began diving as it moved forward…Rotors in the mid-section, along with some ballast tank filling, pushing the craft down and under water in seconds.

"Underwater…" Proton eyed the wraparound forward viewport anxiously…

"It's fine. Tom told us this craft's been tested to a depth greater than four miles." Amy pointed out.

"Yeah, suck in those guts, Neutron." Munson called.


End file.
